He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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