My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize