my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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