Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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