I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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