I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
did you just send me my own nude
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize