Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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