but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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