im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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