If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize