Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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