i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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