dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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