I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize