i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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