It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize