so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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