I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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