I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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