btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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