If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize