I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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