I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
