there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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