allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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