U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize