if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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