its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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