I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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