When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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