I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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