i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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