they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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