If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize