A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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