I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize