i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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