Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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