dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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