if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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