Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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