We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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