Only a mothe r could love this liver
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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