Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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