dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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