I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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