as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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