If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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