Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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