mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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