so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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