Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize